Surely the topic makes you read
I’m starting to think God himself has a goal to make every single minute of my life have SOMETHING strange happen, honestly there isn’t a day that goes by without something weird going on.
So we’ve all heard of the famous old motorcycles that have a dash radio, I know i’ve always thought “Why have a radio on a motorcycle, you can’t very well hear it too well…” and just sorta shrugged it off. Well…
This morning I woke up, kissed my fiance farewell and off to work I went. On my way every morning I pass through a school zone, slowest damn way to work but I gotta do it, it sucks. Well, as I pull out I hesitate because I didn’t notice a fellow motorcyclist, so I wait, let him pass and pull out in my Z. As he passes by I heard this “Well iiiiiiiii (inaudible superfast hillbilly talking/rapping)” and then the loud roar of his exhaust. I was like “WTF?” and continued on. As we go up ahead this guy is dressed up in full harley davidson leathers with a funny looking cowboy vest on. Nice bike, weird getup. As I pull up to the light the music gets louder and I figure it’s the jacked up toyota ahead of him.
I was wrong…
Awkward moment - I get up to the light and I’m right next to him. As I do that the music is BLARING. It’s banjo music with this hillbilly voice singing old country music but the guy is talking like an auctioneer. As I look over (I just HAD to) the guy looks over and smiles at me and starts SINGING along just STARING at me. Talk about awkward, he’s this big burly guy with a spiked open face helmet in a cowboy vest that looks like he’s from the village people. So here I am at seemingly the longest light in the world with Harley Hillbilly Bob serenading me to hillbilly banjo music smiling at me.
So the light turned green and I got the hell out of there, talk about weird.
Well… I thought that was over… Once again I was wrong again.
Driving down 97 the roads only got slicker and slicker coming from my perfectly dry town due to last nights blizzard of snow. In front of me is a bright yellow ugly ass dodge neon. Little did I know it was to be the WORST DRIVER that has ever driven the worlds ugliest car. This guy had 8 car lengths between him and the other car, and if they (the car ahead of him) so much as touched the brakes this guy SLAMMED on them every single time. It wasn’t a big deal till 97 hit some shade and we hit some ice, the neon slammed on his brakes and went into a slide (hm imagine that, ice + hard braking = lockup and you slide? he apparently never took physics in high school), well, i had to sit and pump mine which wasn’t working to great for not hitting this guy but thankfully no one was in the other lane so I had to abruptly change lanes and ended up speeding past the guy so I didn’t hit the fool. As I’m next to him he has this look on his face like death was in the back seat trying to murder him or something… a car was ahead and I had to get back behind him and he was done slamming on his brakes. So I put some nice distance behind him, about 8 or 9 lengths behind him.
As I’m entering bend to go to work I decided it was time to hit my lane so I made the change, as I did this little riced out black honda civic (early early 90s, ugly…) zooms past me, as he does I witness the yellow neon hitting a yellow light, he has about 100ft to stop and he’s doing about 20mph, what does he do? he SLAMS on his brakes, slides SIDEWAYS and the honda behind him ends up doing the same because he’s riding his ass.
AMAZINGLY no one got in a wreck, both cars literally slid through the light, it was like watching ice skating, it was rice on ice. Seemingly everyone at the intersection was actually paying attention because as the light turned green they sat there as these 2 ugly cars slight through the light slowly sideways and sideways with this look on their face like “AHHH OMG! WTF BBQ!”.
Strange moment, my cell phone rings, I pick it up “Hey derek this is dad, just wanted to let you know that the roads are slick in bend, one of my customers just came to the store and said bend is pretty damn slick, might want to watch out for crazy drivers on the road, have a good one! click” Hmmmm what a coincidence.
The only other time that this was topped off was the morning I saw a guy in his 60s in a lowered F350 Dually listening to “My hump” from the blackeyed peas and dancing at the light and was mouthing it as I sat there with a puzzled look on my face, only to watch him get pulled over by a cop for “disturbing the peace” i’m guessing for having his music too loud. How do you make up an excuse for that when you’re 60? “I’m old officer, what did you say? I’m sorry I couldn’t hear my music! (as you hear “my hump, my hump my hump my hump” in the background).”